Ist das nicht ein schnitzelbank? Ja, das ist ein schnitzelbank!

Ah, Deutschland.  It is so nice to be back in a country where I can actually speak (slightly) the language.  In high school I was taught traditional high-German.  Unfortunately, as I had only ever been to Bavaria and because my German friends from grad school were also Bavarians, I spent all of my post-educational German practice trying to decipher the esoteric Sud-deutsch dialect which is very, very different than high-german or Hoch-deutsch.  It would be the equivalent of taking an intermediate level English student (who studied in the UK) and dropping them in the middle of Louisiana.  You can imagine what this would do to one's language confidence.  For years I thought that my level of German was terrible.  I could communicate basically to my friends but I could only grasp about 20% of what they were saying at any given time.

Then I went to Nurnberg...

Anyone who's ever studied a language knows those beginner-level recordings where the speakers are speaking incredibly slowly and clearly and you think... "well that's great but this is NOT how people actually speak."  Honest to God, in Nurnberg they do.  I could understand probably 80% of any conversation I happened to overhear.  It was fantastic.  I spent a good hour speaking to a couple from Hannover at a cafe who could not stop complementing my German- incredulous that an American would speak their language (note- my spoken German is still truly not that great.  I think they were just excited that I could sort of get my point across).  We weren't debating artistical integrity or anything of that nature but we had a nice conversation nonetheless.

Obligatory Historical Aside:  Nurnberg was the site of the Nazi-party rallies as well as the Nurnberg trials where many of the Nazi conspirators were tried and sentenced after the war.  For the most part, you don't see much evidence of this until you leave the city center and venture to the rally grounds.  Even then, if you didn't know what you were looking for you would miss it.

This is the podium where Hitler gave his famous speeches.  As you can see, there isn't much to remind you of what it once was.  Though when you actually go and stand on the podium you can imagine what it might have been like and it becomes a very sobering moment.  For perspective:

The best way to elevate your mood after a day full of walking in the footsteps of evil is, of course, a great German meal.  Czech food is OK.  They have some very tasty dishes and again, the best beer in the world... hands down.  But as far as sausage goes.. Germany wins every time.  .  Look, I've had much more sausage in Germany than in Prague and I'm not saying I've had the best sausage in the CZ yet.  I'm sure that when I do this opinion will change.  But as of right now, the wurst (hahahaha) sausage I've eaten in Germany is frankly (get it?) better than the best sausage I've had in the Czech Republic.  This is very disappointing as I was led to believe the Czech sausage was among the world's best.  I'm holding out hope that I have just been eating all the wrong foods here.  

Nurnberger.  Specialty of... you guessed it!  Probably my least favorite in the country.  Sorry Nurnberg.. but the kraut... THE KRAUT!!  

Bratwurst.  Jumenberg.

The most enjoyable part of the weekend was following the river outside the old-town into the forest. After walking maybe 2 or 3 miles I came across a magical forest brewery.  You simply don't turn down a beer at a magical forest brewery or you'll be cursed with terrible beer for the rest of your life.  I honestly can't tell you if the beer was any good.  It tasted phenomenal but it may have been the fact that I was sitting outside in a deserted beer garden in the middle of the woods being gently rained upon by the spring trees losing their blossoms.  Here are some pictures.  Enjoy!

Truffle season in Nurnberg!

Magical Forest Brewery

Amen, bathroom stall.

Magical Forest Beer.

Through the magical forest.

Nice little spot I found to read my book.

Apparently they piled all of the rubble from WWII up on this spot and 60 years later it became a nice little hill.  There are warning signs all around not to eat on the grass as it is apparently quite toxic.  But then how is the grass growing there...?

White Asparagus season in Germany.  I didn't realize how delicious they could be until I had them here.

Had Sisyphus Lived in Prague, He Wouldn't Have Had it so Bad (3rd Conditional).

Did you just make a greek mythology reference you asshole?  Yes, and I am sorry (that was wrong of me and I will be the first to admit it)- first and last I promise you.  I'm not nearly smart enough to use those (I actually had to google it to make sure I was thinking of the boulder guy and not the eaten-by-crows guy).  It must be the cafe.  In the cafe I'm sitting in now there is a gentlemen behind me describing each and every US Amendment in detail to a very uninterested woman.  Coffee culture is truly global.

I have officially obtained my TEFL certification and am taking the week off before I start working.  I've been spending most of my time climbing up and down hills.  One of the truths I've discovered about Prague is that if you walk up a hill, you will be rewarded with a spectacular view, (1st conditional) and as a lifetime midwesterner this is a novel and wonderful experience.  These hill excursions are made even better by the fact that the whole laissez-faire attitude of Europe in general (and the Czech Republic in particular) means that you can access really cool areas that would normally be blocked off in the US for obvious safety (read: litigious) reasons.

Best first date spot ever.  "I WILL bring a girl up here before I leave Prague," he hoped fervently...

How many drunk American college students would have plummeted to their deaths if this were in America.  Better yet, how much punitive damage compensation would have changed hands...

The weather is beautiful here.  I've been walking around all day in jeans and a t-shirt.  My sincerest condolences to those of you back home in Chicago.  I know you can't remember what warmth feels like and how pleasant the sun feels on your skin, but I promise you it will be there soon enough.  

I mean seriously... just.. what?  I don't.. even....

It's getting to the point that, like Pavlov's dogs, I start getting subconsciously excited whenever I'm walking and the elevation changes.  

Well, that's it for now.  I'm sure I'll have many more anecdotes when I start teaching next week.  Also coming soon:  a long-winded discussion of why Czech beer is the greatest beer in the world and what the US can (but won't) do to ever hope to compete.  Until then..

Na Zdraví!

A Journey Through Space and Time

Yes, I've been watching a bit of Doctor Who, but seriously... is anyone else as disappointed with season 7 as I am?

Life is coming along here in the CZ.   One week left of classes and then I'm off on my own in the wild world of TEFL.  It feels like a lifetime ago and yet, at the same time only yesterday, that I left the bitter chill of Chicago.  Time, like everything in this crazy city, doesn't seem to follow the logic of the outside world.  It flows wherever and however it wants- and we are all simply along for the ride.  I can't believe that it's been almost a month since I landed here... but if you asked me how long it feels like, I honestly couldn't tell you.  A day?  A year?  My whole life?  No idea.

I already have the keys to my new riverside apartment in Smíchov.  Below is a picture I took from my bedroom window.  I've never lived this close to water before and I am extremely excited about that fact.  I can't wait to sit down by the bank in the summer and drink a beer.

Like time, space transforms at will here. Prague is a city where busy streets and pedways transform into isolated nature within the space of a thought.  It is wonderful to be walking and daydreaming and to suddenly find yourself in the forest with no recollection of when the buildings stopped and the trees began.  Prague is one of the best cities for aimless wandering.  It's a relatively small city and with all of the landmarks spaced throughout, it's nearly impossible to be lost for long.  

Do enjoy these photos of today's early morning excursion through Petřin and the nature and may your own journeys through space and time be as wonderful as mine.  

Back to School, Back to School...

Look at how mac hipster I am...  you can't see it but I'm wearing a scarf, blacked-rimmed glasses and a beret.

It is so very strange to be back in a classroom after a 3-year hiatus.  It's true that you never really realize how much you love something until it's gone.  Education was a given for so much of my life that I never stopped to realize how much I loved learning and how much I would miss it once it was gone.  But now I've been reunited with my old friend and we have been painting the town....

I am having a blast teaching english.  I'll be honest and admit that the idea of teaching was more a means than an end, but now that I am actually doing it I can't believe that it wasn't my plan all along.  Learning english from a grammatical and functional point of view is way more interesting than I thought it would be.  I've always known English was a wonky language but it's great to be able to learn specific examples.  For instance, the other day one of my Czech students asked me why in the sentence:

She doesn't have to go to the store.

we use "have" instead of "has" since the general rule is:

I have
you have
he/she has
they have

The reason....?

Be-Cause.

We never use "has" after "do/does."  Say "Doesn't Has" to yourself and a little red light will go off in your brain.  As a native speaker you know the right answer but we rarely know why, and many times there is no "why."

Do or do not.  There is no why.

So for those of you without a deep and passionate interest in english grammar here are a few truths I've learned while on Safari here in the wilds of Central Europe:

• Swans are terrifying.
• There is a guy in Prague whose full-time job is to dress up in a full-body shark costume and wander around town"eating" tourists. 
• Ask a Czech how they are doing and they will literally tell you how they are doing.  "Well, my mother, she die this weekend and I am greatly depressed.  Also I eat too much cabbage last night and I am having much gas this morning."
• The CZ is such a wonderful breath of fresh air:
• Get beaten up by a bouncer at a club?  Tough.  Maybe you shouldn't be a dick.
• Don't like smoke in your bars?  Don't go to bars.
• Every bar has an average of 3 animals walking around inside.  Awesome.
• Vegetarian or Vegan?  That's your problem. If you complained at a restaurant here about the lack of vegetarian offerings on the menu the waiter would literally stare at you then walk away. It's not that anyone has an issue with you being vegan.  It's just that it isn't their responsibility to cater to your diet.  That being said there are a number of vegetarian restaurants around town which are delicious.
• Gluten-free?  Good luck.  I'm pretty sure the Czechs don't even have a word for that.  Thank God that out of the entire population of the Czech Republic, not one single person has a gluten intolerance...... I mean what are the odds?!
• Just about everything you can think of is tolerated just about anywhere at just about anytime.  This philosophy is wonderful in theory and hilarious in practice- Is that guy drinking a beer on a public bench at 9am?  Yep.
• Becherokva is my Shepard.  I shall not want.

I'm still in a state of stimulus overload so I'm having trouble gather all my thoughts together but hopefully these posts will get increasingly more focused and less rambling.  Until then, keep on fighting the good fight everyone.  I'll talk to you soon.

In the Beginning...

First, a gigantic thank you to all of you who made my last two weeks in America a pinnacle of awesome.  We laughed, we cried, we took a few years off our lives, and I for one will likely never top that stretch again.  Now it's all downhill from here... Cheers!


And now for something completely different...

It's....

I made it!  A snowstorm, two flights and the wonderful sound of the lady in front of me vomiting repeatedly, and I have arrived well-rested and ready for action.  Screw first class.  If you want to fly in luxury, book the Swiss Air flight from ORD to Zurich on a Tuesday and get a seat in the middle towards the back of the plane.  I had four seats to myself, which, when all tilted back make the most comfortable cocoon bed you've ever slept in.  Top that with my signature drug cocktail I've named "sleepytime" (for vague and esoteric reasons), and you'll sleep better than you would in your own bed.   All in all it was definitely a step up from the house of horror that was flying out of Tokyo.  Picture sailing through a hurricane in a caricature of a plane (google Japanese capsule hotels and you'll get an idea of what the ANA engineers were going for).  BUT all that is irrelevant because...

Prague!  I had completely forgotten how magical this city is.   I spent the day revisiting all my favorite places.  It looks so familiar and yet so different under the winter sun.  "Winter" by the way, is hilarious here.  I walked around most of the day with nothing but jeans and a hoody while the rest of the populace (who clearly didn't just come from Chicago) were bundled up in their finest polar vortex gear.  That's a bit of an exaggeration but here's something that isn't: if it was -20 in Chicago a few weeks ago then it was 65 degrees warmer today in Prague. #math.

And here I thought ''February and 'Happiness' were antonyms.  Look at that.  Prague is turing my worldview upside-down already.  

It's wonderful to be back in Europe again but there isn't much more to say at this point.  I will leave you with the only picture I remembered to take today - The Vltava river with Prague Castle in the background.  I will try to get better at this.  Na Shledanou.

Give me a second!!!

I haven't even left the country yet!  Come back later.  Give me some space.  QUIT SMOTHERING ME!!!